Requiem For A Scene

You spend all your money looking cool for the kids and the scene, 'cause these days it's nothing but vice magazines and cocaine and tapered jeans.

4thepeopleontheboat

Clever isn't it?

MIA bought that domain name to showcase her song, wait for it.. '4thepeopleontheboat'. Yea, I know right?

I'm a whore for Diplo productions, but I must say I'm not thrilled with this. The reason I chose to include this is as follows; creating a website for the sole purpose of featuring one track is pretty fucking rad. But I like the idea of this more than I actually like it.

http://www.4thepeopleontheboat.com/

International Business

Mark Ronson & The Business INTL.

Check out www.markronson.co.uk for more on the new album, 'Record Collection'.

Ode to vintage filmmaking.

Fuck Teddy!

Teddy gets fucked by Natalia Paris.

I Want Pussy

OMG guys, I'm absolutely dying. It has been around a month since I have felt the warm goodness of a vagina around my penis. I'm seriously pushing "born again virgin" territory. I miss everything about it. The screams for help, the faked orgasms, pretending to listen to what they have to say after and lying about about having something important to do in the morning.

I've hit dry spells before, but this is a goddamn drought. Even if I did get the opportunity to ruin a girls night, I'm not sure I would remember where it goes or what to do. Pretty sue it's safe to say very dude has had a severe case of blue balls before and will never forget the sheer agony your beanbag is in and the beating your ego endures. Now imagine going through that everyday. I'm walking around with watermelons in my boxers right now and I'm in a very fragile state of mind. At this point the littlest thing could set me off at any moment and I'm heading to the Eaton Centre with an assault rifle and no intentions of coming home.

So in summation, if there are any girls out there that want to save some lives, please blow me.

P.S. I'm not really going on a killing spree, so if there are any law enforcement or concerned citizens reading this, please don't take it to heart.

Hot Sumner

Yes the snow is gone and the season for broads in low cut everything is just around the corner. Atfer briefly leaving the nest to live downtown Toronto on my own, I have become an advocate for moving to a high populous, urban city center in a large metropolis in the summer. Everywhere you turn there are girls walking around in shit that leaves nothing to the imagination. It is an endless sea of Beav N' Cleav all up in your face. Most of my time was spent hanging out on Queen and being a dirty man.

So in honour of summer, I present you with Coco Sumner. Before you ask who Coco Sumner is, I will tell you. She is 19, a model, an artist and the daughter of Sting. Yes, THE Sting. She is the latest installment in my out of control infatuation with British twat. I would love to hear her scream out my name in sheer ecstacy with her raspy, man voice. It's not so much that I think she's hot, but it is the closest I will get to fucking Sting, without being gay.

Personally, I don't like the original, but Diplo's remix of 'Caesar' has been the only song on my playlist for months.

DOWNLOAD
I Blame Coco feat. Robyn - Caesar (Diplo Remix)

Ol' Dirty Beatles

So some fucking music teacher from Montana or some shit, decided to take The Beatles and The Wu and mash them up in a metaphorical melting pot. He has taken an idea that sounds lame in theory and created something not half bad.

Of all the Clan members, I'm inclined to name ODB as my favourite, based solely on entertainment value. His whole fucking existence was a train wreck, as exhibited in his music and singing ability. Sure, Bob Digi is a great producer, GZA's lyrical talent and topicals were mind blowing and Inspectah Deck was deep as the ocean, but nothing they have done can eclipse 'Shimmy Shimmy Ya', 'I Want Pussy' and 'Big Baby Jesus'.

But possibly his best body of work, 'Got Your Money', has been re-worked to include Dirt rapping his vileness over a Beatles melody. What else is there to say, except, "Bitch, you better gimmie my money"!

Wu-Tang Clan vs. The Beatles - Got Your Money

N/A

So my last post was on March 2nd and it featured Chiddy Bang. That was a month and a half ago. I just heard that song on the radio on Friday. Is it possible that I'm that far ahead of Canadian broadcasting? It's late and I have to be up in few for my 9-5 and I don't really feel like writing anymore.

Stay classy San Diego.

Hiatus? What Hiatus..

For you simple folk, a hiatus is a prolonged leave of absence. For you intelligent folk, fuck you, you pricks.

Despite having no better way to spend all this free time on my hands, I've been trying to do what ever I can to avoid this blog and anything to do with words. You see, me and writing have this love/hate thing going on.. It loves me, but I fucking hate it. Okay, that's not entirely true. I do enjoy writing very much and do consider it one of my deepest passions. The problem is I am such a self-loathing, hate-monger that I end up despising myself and everything I do. It's very healthy.

But low and behold, here I am once again. After a month of chronic masturbation and video games, I have returned. A person can only give themselves so many reach arounds and dead hands before their soul hurts. I'm disgusted with myself. Seriously though, I think I may have run out of goo. I also believe I've seen every existing video and picture of the pornographic variety the computer has to offer. Some of the shit I have seen during this binge, I might never be able to misremember.

Fear not though my faithful little minions, poppa's got a brand new bag. And it's filled with goodies. Hopefully this is enough to quench your collective thirsts for the time being.

I'm Fucking Jimmy Kimmel

The recent debacle between Conan and Leno has provided us with some memorable moments in Late Night television. Between the two of them and even from Letterman and Kimmel, who did an entire show as Leno, from his huge chin, down to his mannerisms. Fallon tried to get in on the act, but he sucks. And Daly? Well I don't think anyone watched Carson Daly. Does he even have a show anymore?

Anyways this got me thinking about other feuds in Late Night. There was Letterman and Leno fighting for Johnny Carson's show when he retired, there was thing with Letterman and Crispin Glover, Jerry Lawler beating up Andy Kaufman on stage and the "feud" between Conan, Stephen Colbert and Jon Stewart. But the most entertaining was Kimmel and Mat Damon. In a running joke, Kimmel would apologize after every show for running out of time and having to bump Damon. Kimmel finally got Damon to come on and informed him and the audience that he was out of time and asked him to come back tomorrow. Damon stormed out with Kimmel in hot pursuit. After Kimmel and Sarah Silverman's public split, she and Damon teamed up to make a video about their new relationship. Kimmel, clearly bothered by the news, decided to hit Damon where it hurts.. Ben Affleck.