I Wish I Thought Of That

There are many reasons to be jealous in this world. People with wealth, power, nice shit, Oprah, and watching your girlfriend makeout with another dude on your aniversary. Let me give you a couple more reasons to be envious.

LOL FB Moments

FAIL Blog

For the past few weeks these two websites dedicated to pointing out the failures and misfortunes in other peoples lives have been bringing great joy into mine. Hours and hours of fun for the whole family. A few honourable mentions go to:

FML

My Drunk Texts

Texts Last Night

People Of Wal-Mart

So basically that is my list of shit I wish I thought of, instead of this load of deer cum, posting other sites that are really cool that I wish I thought of. Fuck my life..

Joy O' Joy

Deck the halls with bows of holy blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.. Everyone knows it's Christmas. What you may not know, is that Christmas sucks. This holiday has mutated into a fucking four headed, fire breathing, gigantic sonuvabitch beast. What was originally something that was meant to bring joy to the world, spread cheer and good tidings has become a time of stress, maxing out credit cards and depression. People rushing to spend money they don't have on gifts for little Billy, Aunt Peggy and that piece of shit Uncle nobody likes, but it's Christmas and you don't want to look like a jackass. Think about it, what's really joyous about Christmas? It's in the dead of winter, it's dark 23 and a half hours a day and that little bit of day light you might get is ruined by the glare of the 83 fucking strings of brand new LED lights your parents decided to string up on the tree and made sure every piece of green was covered by beams of lasers that burn light spots into your retinas so everywhere you look all you see is millions of colourful dots, *deep breath* and everything is fucking wet and you step outside for a minute and you get hypothermia and die and you spend the next 9 months finding tinsel and those tiny little fucking pine needles strewn - almost strategically placed by some type of stupid asshole - all around your house. Now tell me, does that sound like fun?

The main character in this tragedy is Santa Clause aka Kris Kringle aka Saint Nick. Seriously dude, pick a fucking name and stick with it. FYI, I know this may come as a shock to some of you, but he's not even real. He was an invention of a brilliant campaign created by Coca-Cola. Don't believe me? Look it up. Is it a coincidence that his suit is the same colour as a can of Coke? I think not! So my question to you is, how did a day spawned by the birth of Jesus, suddenly start becoming about a fat dude who doesn't abide by the laws of privacy. Surely if I were to slide down some one's chimney dressed in a ridiculous costume, I would be detained.

It just upsets me how Christmas has become about breaking the bank trying to satisfy someone with gifts, like we are trying to buy their affection. There is no worse feeling than freaking out because you don't know what to get someone, or if they'll like it and watching them open it and you can tell by the look on their stupid that they don't like it, but they say that they do, but you know.. Oh you know. Hey I'm guilty of it too. Getting a gift that is completely and utterly fucking stupid, so stupid in fact you feel that your intelligence has been insulted by the giver, I've been there. Then there's the whole, 'measuring the gifts' thing. Someones always going to be pissed off that yours didn't measure up to theirs, or they're livid that you went and outdid them, therefore making their penis shrivel up/ vagina gape open wide in some fucked up ego bruising.

To me the best parts about Christmas actually have nothing to do with Christmas at all. I love Boxing Day, cause I'm a selfish fucking prick and it's all about me. I can save a shitload of money on shit for me. It's a win-win! And I also love the fact that it is acceptable to be drunk at 9:36 am on a Tuesday and make a total dick out of yourself in front of your family. It's cool, don't worry about it, it's allowed. You can do that kind of shit and get away with it. Christmas is even better if your family is a bunch of raging alcoholics, then you can all be assholes together, as a family. If you're an orphan, then it sucks.

Point is, I didn't always view it this way. When I was a child I used to count down the days till Christmas. I used to shit in my bed on Christmas Eve, I was so fucking ecstatic. I'd be up 4 in the morning drop kicking my parents door open and karate chopping my dad in the nuts to wake him up. No word of a lie, I used to pop blood vessels in my eye balls I was so excited when I opened a present. But that shit only flies when you're young. If you're 20, still making lists for Santa or leaving him cookies or crying when you don't get what you want or actually making a conscious effort to be good throughout the year, you should be banished to a far away land that is inhabited by angry little midgets and wild reindeer. Preferably a land that is covered by snow year round and is located at the Northern-most point of the world. The only way I could ever be excited again about Christmas is if my parents hooked me up with a threesome with those Olsen twin whores.

Anyways Merry fucking Christmas to all and too all a fucking good night!

Barton Police

Well the "Season to be Jolly" is almost upon us. I live by the mantra, it's better to give than to recieve and I feel in a very giving mood. Consider this an early gift from yours truly that will certainly lighten up your holidays. No, it's not egg nog with a splash of rum, it's something way cooler than that.. I'm talking about 'Barton Police', this really awesome show on the web.

Right now it is a four episode show (I believe a fifth episode is looming) about a dysfunctional police station in Barton County, Texas. This show is essentially the brainchild of Scott Lee (who does the music, editing, produces and stars in) and Stephen Wolfe (who writes, directs and also shares the editing duties on 'Barton Police'). I had a chance to briefly correspond with Mr. Wolfe and he was a very nice fellow. These two are also co-founders of 'Barton Ct. Productions Inc.'. For more information on their company and updates on the happenings around Barton, check out their website HERE!

The cast of the show seems to me to be more like a family than anything, despite the on-screen name calling and seemingly endless bickering. The chemistry between the actors is great, which makes it that much easier watching them interact.

The protagonist of 'Barton Police' is AJ Jenkins, played by Justin Herman. He is a hot shot young officer and self-appointed badass. His sexuality also comes into question fairly often. Commissioner Preston Leebo is played by the aforementioned Scott Lee. Leebo is a bumbling, typical nerd with a nervous tick. The rest of the station questions his leadership and doesn't seem to take him very seriously. The rest of the cast stars Xavier Flores as resident funny man Detective Alex Ramirez, John Pandolph as the womanizing Irishman Detective David McAlister, Mitchell Ganey as the uber intense Officer Bill O'Hara, Matthew Cisneros as Dispatcher Jose D. Garcia and Michael Gutierrez as the oft intoxicated Officer Marshall Price. Near the end of Episode 1 we are introduced to the dreamy eyed, optimist rookie Officer Bob Riley, played by Chester Smith.

Episode 1 pretty much got me hooked on this show. There were more "fucks", "shits" and "punching in the throat" then I could count, which is essential to making a good production. Now I'm not sure what the budget was like for the show, but I don't think it was very high. None-the-less, I was very impressed with the police uniforms and the realisticness of the department. It looks like a lot of effort went into the little details and it didn't go unnoticed.

There are too many videos to individually post every one, but you can find all the episodes and whatnot on their YouTube page HERE! Please make sure you check these guys out and support what they are doing. Long live Independent!

This here is just a quick video to show you how kind and caring these guys are off screen. It really touches your heart to see such friendship. Beautiful!

Flamboyant Mash-Up

This is actually a very well done mash-up I found on YouTube. Back in the day Big L was one of my favourite artists, when Hip-Hop was still relevant. Ratatat is one of the best production duos out now. These two were made for eachother.

MGMT Covers

I'm on the fence regarding the topic of covers. You could make the argument that the covering artist lacks creativity and is using the success of the original song to garner popularity/ hitch a ride on the gravy train blah blah blah.. There is also the point that some covers just buttfuck the shit out of the original. While I do believe it takes talent to interpret a song and put a spin on it to make it your own, it definately is easier to sing someone else's rather than start from scratch. The fact of the matter is covers have been around since the dawn of man and probably will be around until the end of man. In this day and age there is no such thing as a new concept, every thought has already been thought. With the internet and today's advanced technology, every asshole has an opinion, lord know's I'm no different then the next chud with a blog. Ideas are like whores, someone's had it before..

Don't worry there was a method to this madness. I like MGMT. Apparently so does everyone else, because there is a shitload of MGMT covers. Most of them are not good. These two get the distinction of being posted right here. Know I know what you're thinking, "Katy Perry? Seriously?". I know because I was thinking the same thing. I almost didn't bother even listening to it. Trust me it's worth a listen kids.

Download: The Kooks - Kids (MGMT Cover)

Download: Katy Perry - Time To Pretend (MGMT Cover)

Rihanna

We've all seen the pictures of her goodies, but these are delicious and a lot more tasteful then the selfshots in her bathroom. At first I thought she was stupid, ugly and had a big forehead. I take it all back Rihanna, please have my babies!

Susan Boyle

Have you ever bent down to pick something up that looks really, really heavy and you brace yourself for the worst, but it turns out to be extremely light? That is the best euphemism I could come up with for hearing Susan Boyle sing. Music isn't about looks or personnas, but when you look like an Oompa Loompa, you better have one hell of a set of pipes on you. The first time I seen her walk on stage to audition for Britain's Got Talent, I scoffed,

"There's no way a 47 year old woman in a moo moo with that god-awful accent can sing."

That's what I was thinking in my brain. But like every single person in the audience and watching at home, I was fucking blown away by her voice. It was like God himself had sent an Angel down from Heaven to bring joy to the world through song. I still to this day cannot believe that something that breath-taking could come from her lips.

Susan Boyle looking like an Oompa



Download: Susan Boyle - Wild Horses

Thought Of The Day

As I am sure most of you are aware, Brittany Murphy passed away today at the age of 32. This brings up a question that I have pondered over the years. Is there something ethically wrong with tugging it to pictures of a dead celebrity? Just to clarify, I'm talking about picture of them still very much alive, not after they have died, because that would be sick. I'm sure there are men, young and old alike, who still play a heated game of pocket pool to Marilyn Monroe's infamous Playboy spread. Should one feel some sence of guilt or disgust with themselves for defiling the memory of someone who has passed on? I mean if you're masturbating in the first place you're a sinner already and therefore going to hell, so what harm is one more questionable act really going to do? Food for thought..

You Go Girl!

It's common knowledge that most women cannot operate a motor vehicle, urinate in public after a heavy night of drinking or make good corporate leaders. I'm not saying that women are inferior to men, quite the contrary actually, they are just too emotional. Women tend to think more so with their hearts. Which is why they make some of the most moving and soulful artists. Let's take Duffy for example. Now I do not find her overly attractive, she's actually kind of beat. She looks like this whore I used to go to high school with. Gross. But her voice, my god. She could sing about herpes and make it sound passionate. For fear of sounding fucked up, I find something about a woman crying attractive. Not like rolling around on the floor, hyperventilating, snot dripping out of her nose, balling her eyes out, just sort of the tears trickling down the cheeks kind of crying. Thus, her video for "Warwick Avenue" = bombastic.

I will admit that I have heard of Norah Jones before, but never listened to any of her songs and I only knew Lily Allen from her seemingly endless supply of tit slip pictures floating around. But when I did get around to finally hearing them sing, I was presently surprised. I wouldn't throw Lily Allen in the same category as a Duffy or a Norah Jones, but I'm a sucker for slutty British accents, what can I say? Curious about Ms. Jones, I googled her and found out some interesting shit. Her name is actually Geethali Norah Jones Shankar and is the daughter of Ravi Shankar, a famous Indian Sitar-playing musician. He must not be that famous because I've never heard of him, nor do I know what the fuck a Sitar is. Now I shall leave you with what you came for.. Unless you enjoy reading this drivel, in that case you are a sick, sick human being.


Download: Duffy - Warwick Avenue

Download: Lily Allen - Alfie

Download: Norah Jones - Chasing Pirates

2012

Okay, so this isn't so much of a review as it is an observatory musing. I was awed by the special effects. I mean some of the scenes were just incredible, especially the sinking of California. Do yourselves all a favour, the sooner you get past the hokiness of John Cusack out-driving a volcano, out-running several earthquakes and realize it's a movie, the sooner you will be able to enjoy watching shit blow up. The graphics are clearly first-rate, but as we all know that alone is not enough to save a movie *ahem* Transformers 2 *ahem*. 2 problems I had with this flick were; 1) It all moved so quick. It seemed like a shame to rush something as significant as 90% of the world's population being wiped out. Titanic was like 14 hours of Leo DiCaprio trying to get his dick wet (no pun intended) and this movie was roughly an hour and a half. I personally would've liked to have seen a bit more substance, like a foreplay before the climax. And 2) The ending was weak, we didn't even get to see the new civilization or Amy Smart's tits. Boo!

I really liked the humanity depicted in the movie. When Cusack risked his life to save the lives of all the others on board and they all lived but we weren't sure if he lived, but he did live, it tugged at my heartstrings.. And apparently my tear strings as well. To see everyone cheer and hug, it really was a touching sentiment. I couldn't help but feel compelled to believe that there still is some civility left in the human race. Despite all the war, disease, famine and crime that happens, in the end we are all united as one, to serve some higher purpose. At that moment my faith was restored.. And then my father told me to "Fuck off and stop being such a pussy. And get a fucking haircut too, you look like a piece of shit." Thanks dad, I love you too.




*Spoiler Alert* Oh wait, that's supposed to go at the beginning before I tell you what's going to happen isn't it?

Hello Newman!

For those of you that don't get the reference in the title, go watch some fucking TV. To all one of my fans who actually read this second-rate heap of shit, I apologize for my prolonged hiatus. During my month sabatical I compiled a great number of tales to share with you. Unfortunately I forgot all of them. But it's not like you care, you didn't even call to see how I was doing. I could've died and you wouldn't have even noticed. So I bid you adieu with a big fuck you.

AIR - So Light Is Her Footfall

In a crazy, mixed up, shook up world it's nice to be able to turn out all the lights, curl up under your duvet, turn up your speakers and just zone out. That's exactly what I'm doing with this song. It's a mellow synth-physcadelic, Pink Floyd meets a French accent. Their fifth album 'Love 2' is due out October 6th.

Download: AIR - So Light Is Her Footfall

Quit Life: Episode 1

Good evening, it's 9 o'clock, do you know where your children are? This interweb contraption is a very magical thing. Everything and anything one could ever want is at the tip of one's fingers. Whether you're into hispanic midget's having relations with horses, or just catching up on the episodes of 'Will & Grace' you missed (don't worry I won't judge) the interweb has something for everyone. Take me for example.. My main reason for getting dail-up installed on my brand new Windows 98 ME is to pick up hot broads in chatrooms with screennames like HornySexyWetDevilGirl1958 and cyber with them while I practise the art of one hand typing. Because I mean that's what scoring chicks is all about right? Every once and a while I will get tired of all the cyber-poon I slam on ICQ chat and will venture off into the vast highway of information known as.. 'The Information Highway'. Today was one of those days. And on my journey I discovered a human being like no other I have seen before.

This video has inspired me to create a new feature to this blog called 'Quit Life'. It will feature people who excel in the aspect of being total douche bags. Meet the 2009 Pokemon World Champion. This kid -if you could even call him that- honestly looks like someone had created a device to take cartoon characters and somehow transform them into real life people and used it on Peter Griffin. Seriously, you're fat, have a lisp and play Pokemon professionally? Do you ever want to have a girl touch your penis? I'll go easy on him though, because it's clearly the fault of the father. It's one thing to blow a little smoke up your kid's ass and pretend to give a fuck about his intrests so he doesn't hang himself in his closet, but DRIVING them around over 50 thousand miles across the country to play cards with a bunch of other little fucktards is a whole different stroke of stupid. I really wish I had a time machine and a laser gun so I could use the time machine to travel back into time and use the laser gun to shoot off that dudes ballsack to prevent him from using his loser semen to help birth such a fucking tub of shit abomination. He says he is proud of his son. LOL! Proud of him for what? The fact that he's obese, cries himself to sleep everynight, the closest he's ever going to get to a vagina is the one his mother shit him out of or the fact he's going to grow up to be serial killer who eats human flesh? Way to go pops, congratulations on your fine parental skills and succeeding in raising a bigger fuck up than you.

Was that a tad bit harsh or am I just being too sensitive?

Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name Of (SebastiAn's Late Night Laptop Edit)

I've recently broadened my musical tastes to include the whole Electro/ House movement, so I'm fairly new to the genre. But I know what I like when I hear it and I like this. The first 50 seconds of this remix is incredible. Don't get me wrong, the whole thing is good, but that opening sequence makes me wanna dip my balls in it. I didn't even think anyone would attempt remixing an RATM song in the first place, goes to show what I don't know.

Download: Rage Against The Machine - Killing In The Name Of (SebastiAn's Late Night Laptop Edit)

Yael Naim - Toxic (Britney Spears Cover)

The list of things that I love is very short. My mother, cigarettes, alcohol, sex, money, music, clothes and this song.. From the moment I heard this on Et Musique Pour Tous I was instantaneously lovestruck. This is the same girl who sang that very catchy tune 'New Soul' from the iPod commercial. If you are as enthralled by it as me, there is a download link at the bottom.



Download: Yael Naim - Toxic (Britney Spears Cover)

Brett Fav-ree

As much as I hate the guy, I respect the fuck out of him on the field. Anytime a player as old as the dust on Joan Rivers pussy can pull one out of his ass like that I tip my hat. Sure he's about as predictable personality wise as a manic depressive, bi-polar on the rag, but when he straps on his helmet you can put your bottom dollar on him. He's been stealing last minute wins since his rookie season over 47 years ago. Not to take anything away from the game winning throw, but the catch was even more outstanding then his toss. Although if he hadn't moved it downfield 80 yards with under a minute and no timeouts, none of it would have been possible.

After the crushing defeat, 49er's head coach Mike Singletary had this to say at the press-conference, "I want them to chew it up and swallow it, and remember it." Now I'm a little confused as to whether he's talking about the loss or Brett Favre's dick in their mouths after he face-fucked them. Open wide boys.

Dip My Balls In It!

A very bizarre sketch comedy show that ran on MTV, 'The State' has recently been released on DVD. Despite rave reviews and a small cult following, lack of advertisment lead to sub-par viewer ratings and subsequent cancellation. The short lived 29 episode show was extremely popular among high school and college students. During it's run from 1993 - 1995, catch phrases from the show became part of everyday vanacular for it's younger audience. Known for it's off-the-wall characters and off-colour skits, the creators of the show wanted to do something different from the cookie cutter sketch comedy programs out at the time. Consisting of 11 regular cast members, whom are all still active in Hollywood, there are some familiar faces. Some notable cast members include Ken Marino ('Role Models'), Thomas Lennon ('Role Models', 'I Love You Man', 'Reno 911!'), Joe Lo Truglio ('Pineapple Express', 'I Love You Man' and upcoming movie 'Paul'). For more information on the cast, the show and where to get your hands on a copy of the DVD, CLICK HERE.

This re-enactment of the Last Supper contains one of the greatest catch-phrases of our time.. "I WANNA DIP MY BALLS IN IT!!"

Jon Lajoie, the foul-mouthed, uber-profane, Canadian kid's newest video for 'Radio Friendly Song'. Chances are if you're reading this blog you aren't one of the pussies mentioned in this song. But you probably are still a pussy in some capacity of your life. Fuck shit cock.



BONUS VIDEO - MC Vagina sings a song about Strombo.

Cox Is A Fox

I've never really been a fan of Courtney Cox, but she is definately a smokeshow. She was on Jimmy Kimmel a few nights ago talking about cougars. Meow!

It's More Than You Imagined

HBO has managed to do it again. From Entourage to Californication to Curb Your Enthusiasm to True Blood. To their groundbreaking programming on the ass-end of the week, they have made Sunday nights more manageable for those still recovering from the weekend and those dreading the upcoming work week. They have launched a new website called HBO Imagine that boasts a very conceptual design and interactive page layout. It headlines an intricate and seemingly irrelevant mix of video clips, sound bites and newspaper articles. It is only after you have completed the maze that everything will be pieced together. They have also implemented a cube like video player, aptly named the 'HBO cube' that when rotated, reveals more angles that uncover there is more to the scene then first meets the eye. If you have some time to kill in between accepting friend requests and banging out photo comments on Facebook, I highly recommend you check this out.

HBO Imagine




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Why Can't We Be Friends?

I would like to change pace a bit here and talk about a very important subject that is forefront on every body's minds, religion. Now being of Protestant and Jewish descent this is very personal for me. In order to ease tensions and end the dick swinging, we must celebrate the similarities instead of dwelling on the differences. We must focus on the positives each other brings to the table. Stop spreading the belief that if someone worships any God other than your own they are going to be playing Twister with Hitler and Andre the Giant listening to the musical stylings of the Tragically Shit for eternity.

I think I have found a sure fire way to bring peace to the world, something that tree smoking/hugging hippies, half-witted celebrities and generations of brain dead beauty pageant contestants have been promising to eradicate since the Japs shit on Pearl Harbour. Allow me to elaborate..

Jews, yes you may have exiled your King, tortured and humiliated the only begotten son, crucified the lord and saviour.. But you own the whole world. Banks, run by Jews. Music industry, run by Jews. Movie industry, run by Jews. I mean you guys profited monetarily from the story of how you brutalized Jesus, pure fucking genius. Although getting Mel Gibson to direct that, in hindsight probably wasn't the greatest Gentile for the job. Seriously though, think of any one of your favourite actors, if you see a stein, green, gold, berg, or sandler anywhere in their name, odds are they're Jewish. And the next time you drop off a suit to be dry cleaned, take a look at that man you are entrusting with your precious linens, and if he's not Chinese, chances are he prefers Hanukkah.

Muslims, if you take a step back and really look at it, you and the Jews aren't so different. For example, you both share a dislike for pork and meats that aren't blessed. You call it Halal, they call it Kosher, same shit different pile. The only difference is I've never had a slice of Kosher pizza or a Halal pickle but I'm sure they would both be equally delicious. And you are a wise bunch, you learned from the Jews. You saw how loud and obnoxious their women were and you took steps to make sure yours didn't follow suit. The same goes with the Christians, if you look back in history, they also wore sandals all year round, what a popular fashion statement that became. All I'm saying is the last time me and my father fought over a strip, we cut it in half and shared it. That way we were both happy. You should try doing the same.

Next up is the Christians. What a sordid lot you are. But you may have made one of the most influential free agent signings in history. You were savvy enough to lock Jesus into a long-term deal after the Jews placed Him on waivers. You built your empire around this franchise player and to prove your dedication to Him, not only did you make Him captain but you named your team after Him. You also blessed us with numerous major holidays and long weekends such as Christmas and Easter. Though I'm still not sure what the rebirth of Christ has to do with faggoty looking eggs and bunnies.. Where did you come up with that shit? I mean everything about the holiday is just downright fucking weird. Rabbits hopping around with painted chicken eggs hiding them in peoples houses, what the fuck? See there's something else we can agree on Easter = Mindfuck.

This brings me to Catholics. Possibly the most turbulent of all the religions. You and the Christians are like the twin brothers back in grade school that just never got along. You sound alike and look the same, but one is always trying to out do the other. You both got the exact same lunches packed for you but it was never the same in your eyes. Though your beliefs and ideologies may vary slightly, you continue to fight tooth and nail for the title of supreme sibling. Truth is, daddy loves you both the same. One thing that can be said for Catholicism is the slutty Catholic school girls. Whores in short skirts who don't believe in using condoms.. Just thinking about it makes my cup runneth over. Give me a Catholic girl, I'll make sure she kneels before me and prays. That is what tolerance is all about. Even though my grandmother was a devout Irish protestant I would be willing to make a Catholic girl scream out for God. Another good trait Catholics possess is their dedication to spreading their gospel and helping younger members of the religion find their way. All the extra time and effort the priests devote to the alter boys. Keeping them late after Sunday school to answer any questions they might have, taking them on educational trips, letting them sleepover at their houses and even teaching them the sins of carnal desires, premarital sex and even homoerotic fantasies. Come to think of it Michael Jackson was a good Catholic too wasn't he? And you guys have a Pope. And he rides around in the Popemobile. How fucking cool is that?

I hope this was able to bring our people together. Remember, we are all one world under God and no matter your religion there is an afterlife that awaits us all. Be it virgins in heaven or reincarnation on Earth we have something to look forward to. Unless you're Atheist, then your coming back as Starr Jones thong.

I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell

In case you have been living in the communist nation of China or under the dictatorship of Kim Jong-Il or you are poor and can't afford internet (how the fuck are you reading this?) then you should know who Tucker Max is. On the offchance you are not familiar, he is a role model for young pre-pubecent boys and grown men alike. He basically got famous for his legendary tales of his sexual escapades (or sexcapades). Well he made a website dedicated to sharing these stories with the world. The site was such a hit, it eventually lead to a book deal. The book was suprisingly.. You guessed it.. Also a hit. Which in turn lead to a movie by the same name, 'I Hope They Serve Beer In Hell'. So a big fuck you to everyone who ever said that poking chicks and treating women like shit won't get you anywhere in life. The movie is slated for a select realease in the States on Friday. Not sure what that means for us up here in the 'Da. For more check out http://tuckermax.com/ and http://www.ihopetheyservebeerinhell.com/ Those are real fucking hard to remember, better write that shit down.

She Sucks

I do not believe in the institution of marriage what-so-ever. If you really love someone you do not need some big fancy wedding in a perfectly set backdrop surrounded by hundreds of your closest friends and family to justify that love. And you certainly do not some dick in a robe sanctifying it either. But I would abandon all my principles in heartbeat and marry this broad if I could make sex to her every night. All I know about Vikki Blow is that she is fucking hot and very rarely wears clothes. If that's not enough reason to want to spend the rest of your life with someone, then what is my friends, what is?

*WARNING* The following pictures contain nudity. If you are offended by it, grow a dick.

Better Late Then Never.. Right?

Okay so today I'm dedicating this post to a few things that I slept on and upon review have decided I should've posted in the first place. I figured what better time then now, since the theme of this week is procrastination (there may be a more suitable word, but I have yet to think of one yet) since I have been too busy to post in a few days.. More like too lazy. The first being that 'Supernova' song from Mr. Hudson and the always affable Kanye West. I actually first heard about this maybe a month ago from Pidgeons & Planes (check it out, always in the loop) and wasn't anything that caught my attention. I heard the song today on a commercial and did some research and found out there was a video, which I would post but UMG is touchy about embedding videos. Needless to say the song has grown on me. Maybe the rest of their work will too.



The second thing I put off was the Harlem Shakes, like the dance. Or the drink. If there is one. Anyways, this is a solid band, kinda have the nerdy vocals going on. I like. The video for 'Stricly Game' at first glance just seems like a picture montage video that some 13 year old made on his moms laptop. But look closer.. Very cool.

Oh Yeah Yeah Yeah

I don't use the word 'beautiful' very often, especially not when talking about music, but that's exactly what this is. The 'Yeah, Yeah, Yeahs' have had their moments with a few iPod-worthy cuts. But their latest album 'It's Blitz' certainly gratified my ear drums. If this doesn't make you instantly fall in love with this band from the Big Apple then I'm not sure what will.

President Obama Calls Kanye A Jackass

I guess George Bush isn't the only one who doesn't care about black people.

Instant Boner

Dude my fucking cock is rock hard.. All 3 inches of it. Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried share a bit of spit in the new flick Jennifer's Body. I for one will pay my 15 dollars just for this scene. Fuck me, imagine Megan Fox's lips on another girls lips on the big screen in surround sound. I'll be there in the back row of the theatre doing my best Pee Wee Herman impression. Butter for your popcorn ma'am?

Guns Don't Kill People.. Major Lazer Does!

Certainly not a reggae head rude bwoy, but I could definately signal the plane to this shit. Not bad for two honky ass crackers. Diplo + Switch = Major Lazer.

Use Somebody Too

I do not like Paramore. There I said it. Most of their songs sound the same, which is a bad thing, because their songs aren't good. I do think they are on to something here.. Covering songs from better bands.

Kanye On Leno Tonight

For all of you Toronto heads, the living legend himself will be on The Jay Leno Show tonight at 10 PM on CityTV. I'm very interested to see what will transpire. Leno will definately come at him hard, but I have faith in my man.

Kanye West Is My Hero

So everyone knows by now what the hot topic currently is. Quite frankly I don't understand why everyone is so up in arms. I guess it's me and Yeezy against the world. Dude is a pure genius. The publicity he has gained from this is unreal. This story is on every news outlet, blog, youtube channel from here to Peru. Type Kanye West's name into twitter and see how many fucking tweets he has since last night. You couldn't buy better PR than this. And not just for himself, but for Taylor as well. I'll admit I never even knew who she was before Mr. West blessed her with his presence on the stage. She has become an overnight sensation thanks to him. And he did it with such class, you would think all the fame would go to his head, but no, he's still a humble human being. Seriously watch the video again. He told her he was happy for her and even decided that he would allow her to finish her acceptance. Wow.. I'm speechless. To be able to go up there live in front of millions of people around the world and do the right thing and stick up for Beyonce, takes guts. To Top it all off he immediately issued an apology on his personal blog even though he had nothing to be sorry for. If anyone should be apologizing it should be Beyonce for not coming forward and defending 'Ye after what he did for her. Some people just have no morals.

Kanye West's Apology To Taylor Swift

Have your tissues handy. Not to masturbate into, to wipe the tears away. Because this song is a tear-jerker.

Lady Gag

No that wasn't a typo, she actually makes me gag. I mean who doesn't enjoy a bit of bondage, a smidgen of S&M, a tad.. okay you get the point. But what the fuck is with the paint? It looks like something my 7 year old retarded cousin Rupert would do in Special Ed.(and I mean that in the kindest way possible - I love the little bastard). Not to mention the floppy tits, gross. 18 and having that horrible of a rack, the future isn't looking too good for you sweetheart. I guess I might just be jealous of her/ him. If she/he needs both hands to cover her/his penis.. Let's just say it must have one hell of a bigger dick than me.

Dude, Where's My Hair?

It has just come to my attention that Andrew VanWyngarden, one half of MGMT, has cut his hair. During a show in Brooklyn at Prospect Park, he was seen sporting his new doo. Known for his homeless-esque shag, his hair appeared to have considerable length taken off the top, the sides, the back and even the front! Fans worldwide fear that this will have an adverse effect on the band and their music.


And they also played a few new songs off the upcoming album, 'Congratulations'.

And Justice For All

Now you might be thinking "Wow, these are very old, get with the times, we want new shit"! To which I reply, "I don't care, this is my blog. I will post what I want and you WILL like it". Now a little bit about Justice. Consisting of Gaspard Auge (it has that little thing above the 'e' but I can't be bothered trying to figure out how that shit works) and Xavier de Rosnay, Justice gained notarity in 2003 for their remix of Simian Mobile Disco's song 'Never Be Alone' entitled 'We Are Your Friends' for a local Paris college radio station. They earned a 2009 grammy for their remix of MGMT's 'Electric Feel'. Their first album was released in 2007 and their sophmore effort is set for early 2010. Oh, and they are Christians. High five for Jesus!



The video for 'Stress' is insanely intense and was directed by Romain Garvas, check out some of his work. And the video for 'D.A.N.C.E.' is just flat out fuckin cool. Enjoy!

And Everything Is Going To The Beat

Passion Pit pit is a band out of Buffalo by way of Boston. Or wait, would it be from Boston by way of Buffalo? Anyways, they realeased their sophmore effort in late May called Manners. Very listen-to worthy, take it from me, a complete stranger on the interweb. There are also numerous remixes floating around that won't disappoint. The first two videos are singles from the album and the third is a remix of Ghost Under Rocks by Ra Ra Riot, which I think is better than the original. The Reeling is amazing video as well as a great song. Enjoy!

Passion Pit - The Reeling


Passion Pit - Sleepyhead


Ra Ra Riot - Ghost Under Rocks (Passion Pit Remix)