OMG guys, I'm absolutely dying. It has been around a month since I have felt the warm goodness of a vagina around my penis. I'm seriously pushing "born again virgin" territory. I miss everything about it. The screams for help, the faked orgasms, pretending to listen to what they have to say after and lying about about having something important to do in the morning.
I've hit dry spells before, but this is a goddamn drought. Even if I did get the opportunity to ruin a girls night, I'm not sure I would remember where it goes or what to do. Pretty sue it's safe to say very dude has had a severe case of blue balls before and will never forget the sheer agony your beanbag is in and the beating your ego endures. Now imagine going through that everyday. I'm walking around with watermelons in my boxers right now and I'm in a very fragile state of mind. At this point the littlest thing could set me off at any moment and I'm heading to the Eaton Centre with an assault rifle and no intentions of coming home.
So in summation, if there are any girls out there that want to save some lives, please blow me.
P.S. I'm not really going on a killing spree, so if there are any law enforcement or concerned citizens reading this, please don't take it to heart.
